Thursday, December 6, 2007

Ooph! Orectomy!

Just saw the doc.

Tumor sounds scarier than cyst. Is it the same? It isn't, right? Or is it the same? I don't know. I kept saying cyst and Doc kept correcting me with tumor. Whatever. It was benign, it's gone, la la la.

The removal of an ovary is called an oophorectomy. What a fun word.

Doc and I were at the desk right before you exit the back of the office and he was filling out a prescription for me. Here's how the conversation went. Note there were numerous nurses and some pharmacy reps standing there.

Me: Oh! I forgot to ask. I'm off all restrictions now, right?
Him: WHAT? No! You've got five more weeks.
Him: Yeah! You just had major surgery!
Me: Five weeks!
Him: I told you that.
Me: I wasn't listening! You mean I can't lift anything for five weeks?
Him: Nothing over 20 pounds.
Me: But one baby is 22 pounds. How am I going to pull this off?
Him: Unless you want to end up back in the hospital- no lifting.
Me: And what about, you know... *winks* You know.
Him: Sex? You just had major surgery!!
Me: I know but I'm bored!
Him: Five more weeks!
Me: You're not making it a very Merry Christmas at my house.
Him: Five weeks.

Then I stopped at Target and thought I was going to DIE. I was fine all the way to Pharmacy. Left Pharmacy for Children's Clothing and wondered how I'd make it back to Pharmacy for my prescription. That was stupid of me.

Then I got into line that was six people deep, Merry Freakin Christmas, and leaned over my cart in attempts to hold myself up, wondering how I was going to handle this, for real. Five weeks, no lifting Juna. How would I get Juna into her crib? How would I get Juna into her high chair? How would I get both babies into the car to pick up Boo from her activities?

The answer is I can't and I won't. I have to get extremely clever. Mattresses and seats will go on the floor. A friend will be paid to fetch the child as needed.

This is life when you only have one family member and that family member has a job and all your friends have kids.

I am SOOOOOOO ready for this crazy year to end. This is my third instance of needing help this year for an extended period of time. Post birth and Av in the NICU in Jaunary. Two weeks in China in June. And now six weeks for surgery.

NOTHING can go wrong next year with me. Seriously. Everyone is fried, tapped out, and I'm sick of needing help. I don't do well with needing help.

Counting the days until January 8th...


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mutha said...


Reposting this comment. I had to delete because the author used her last name.

She said:
"I had to comment to say that I love the sayings you put under your blog title. I'm pretty good at figuring out where they come from. I've only had to use Google once. Is this one from Hot For Teacher?
-Angie from China Mamas"

To answer you, Angie, YES! I've been watching Videos That Rocked The World on Fuse each night. Hot For Teacher was one of them. Did you know Phil Hartman was the voice of Waldo? My little tag lines are inspired either by what is happening in my life, or a show I recently watched or a song I recently heard. I especially love to stump people with them, so keep on guessing! Ok, you can use Google. That's what it's there for, hah! Mutha

Louanne said...

Mutha - you crack me up woman. And here's to no more trouble next year!!

HK Muse said...

Yeah. Tumor and cyst two completely different things. Even the worst cyst isn't as serious as a tumor.

I am just glad it is benign.

Recovery sucks but you will make it through like you always do.
Hang in there...

tubelessstl said...

sex? already? dang

Julie said...

When I wasn't supposed to lift tyler after having emilie I did have meals on the living room floor until I had him climb up on a phone book and I guided him as he clibed into his feeding seat- and his mattress was already on the floor- that helped. Maybe I blogged about postpartum restrictions more on my private site but then again I might not have at all because I might have been too tired lol-either way I know its hard- do you have stairs in your house? I had stairs I wasn't supposed to go up and down them much or carry tyler thankfully he was walking them for me by the time emilie came- do you need food again? We never got around to catching up for the postpartum food delivery.

gnomic said...



Look, maybe your karmic lesson is to LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT HELP.

My wife does the same thing. She's running herself into the ground doing everything and won't let me help with the things I can do reasonably well. Hey, I get that you don't like the way I fold the closthes, but why can't I wash the towels? I like her cooking better than mine, but I did cook for 30 years before I met her.


Conside this. If you haven't learned to accept help graciously, the Universe is going to have to keep whacking you until you get it.

There are things that won't let you have sex for Months.

Now, can I do something for you?

'thought so.

ISO(In)sanity said...

Ohhhh....aren't the restrictions fun!??! I'm impressed on the s-e-x thing - after my surgery, I wanted nothing to do with him!

You are as funny as ever, so you must be feeling somewhat ok...

Here's hoping to a quick recovery for you. Did you get those nasty itchy staples out yet?

Yes, I also find the word for taking an ovary out quite hilarious. I think I laughed at my ob/gyn the first time I heard her say it!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone mention that you're hilarious? Didn't think so. Let me be the first... okay, okay, EVERYONE thinks so. (Now give this woman a show, TV execs.)

Wish I was in the vicinity, I'd be like "Oh hi, I'm the one with no kids and a flexible schedule... no, I only know you through your blog... let me lift that 22 lbs of cuteness for you." Unfortunately I'm restricted to well-wishing and hoping nothing goes wrong next year. Best wishes.

OH! And we need to talk about stand-up... let's email instead of blog comment.

Mutha said...

Awww these are great comments. You guys! I may not get many readers on this blog, but the ones who DO read are so good to me. Quality over quantity!

And the yearning for S E X? That happened the day after surgery!! What's up with that? I guess removing an ovary shifted my entire hormonal structure in MY favor for a change.

Let's see if this trend continues. If so, my LATE 30s are going to be a lot of fun!! Look out, Matt!!