Friday, December 7, 2007

1 month, then I'm late

December 7th as I type this.

One month until my birthday. My ouch ouch ouch hurts to type this...Thirty... ow ow ow Seventh... birthday. Ack.

As a kid, December 7th was AWESOME. I'd wake up singing, "One month til my birth-day, one month til my birth-day. Cha cha cha, cha cha cha! One month til my birth-day!"

As a 36 year old, this morning's song in my head was more like, "One month til my birthday? Crap. One month til my birthday. Sigh. One month til my birthday. Wake me when it's over."

Didn't help that this morning I woke up from a dream where my breasts had deflated and were hanging to my knees. You know, like how they animate little old ladies? Those big ol sandbags for boobies, wibblin and wobblin to the floor?

I woke up and grabbed my chest but didn't get the reassurance I was hoping for.

37? That's LATE 30s.

I've been desperately holding on to mid-30s. "I'm in my MID-30s." As if that made me sound younger. Mid 30s, please! Not LATE 30s. MID 30s.

I picture a large 37 hiding behind a 35 and the 35 pushing it forward. "Uh uh. No no no. You're 37. You're supposed to be in the LATE 30s section."

I picture an awful lot of odd things in my mind. Animated saggy breasts. Numbers that can talk. Senility IS a sign of old age, dontcha know.

Yeah yeah yeah. 37 isn't OLD. Talk to the age spotted hand. I've got a canyon running between my eyebrows and two sand pits hanging under my eyes. Speaking of hanging, let's not even go back to the breast issue.

It's not so much the fading looks. Or inching ever so closely to fuh fuh fuh fuh ... spit it out... Forty. It's the fact that it's going so quickly, this life. I was just celebrating 36, albeit a bit begrudgingly. I blinked and here I am. Again.

Aging gracefully in a youth obsessed society. Slowing down the aging process in a fast paced world. Stop me before I become a Oil of Olay commercial.

I realized the other day I've been on the internet for almost 13 years. Blogging for 7. Never was my age more apparent than when a newbie to the online world, ten years my junior, blew off my concerns over internet forum safety and privacy. I was half incensed, half embarrassed. Incensed because someone with my online experience, and there have been many straaaaaange ones, knows what's she talking about. Listen to me. Learn from me. Embarrassed because of course someone youthful would have a devil-may-care attitude. What am I saying? Someone youthful would never use the expression devil-may-care!

These days, you can't swing a cat without hitting a blogger. Again with the old fashioned expressions? Now that I'm LATE 30s, I find those expressions quite comforting. No longer do I feel the need to use the latest slang. In fact, I find the latest slang a bit uninspired. Come on, kids. You'll never out-awesome my generation's over-use of awesome. We still do it to this day. You'll do it, too. Dude.

So here I am, soon to enter my late 30s. I've got a house that I dislike a great deal in a slow buyer's market and a figure I can't seem to tame down to a reasonable size. My only hobby is writing in a blog that can't get beyond a few readers a day, a career that has sputtered to a halt due to my lack of time to nurture it along, and an idea for a mommy show that will never amount to anything more than "that one show I once did on the internet when I was in my MID 30s and still dared to dream."

On the up side I've got a husband who seems to love me in spite of ... being me.... Three amazing little girls who fascinate and delight me daily. Three cats and none being used to club unsuspecting bloggers, despite my fondness for the dated expression above.

I'm to the point where I can look back on my 20s without wincing, high school was too long ago to even give a second thought, and the pains of my childhood don't hurt as badly. I am funnier, wiser, and wittier than I've ever been. You don't get that at 21, my friends. This isn't brazen cockiness of youth speaking. This is the self assured satisfaction of the experienced.

Maybe LATE 30s won't be so bad after all.


Dianna said...

In 6ish months I will be leaving my 20's. I try so hard not to make a big deal out of turning 30 (except to demand an expensive seafood dinner damnit!) but it's just this overwhelming tense feeling.

I will be a married, stay-at-home mum 30somthing. I know I've commented before when you wrote about wanting it all, and I know I'm dealing with things in my way, but sheesh! I sometimes really hold back on telling people what I "do" when I catch up with highschool friends because they're all travelling the world at the moment.

Sorry! I tend to vent in your comments. You're just a wonderful writer who makes me thing, that's all!

tut-tut said...

What! Stop all that nonsense. You'll be surprised (pleasantly) at what you see and experience over the next rise in your timeline.

Mutha said...

Thank you, Dianna. Do not worry, I love the comments. I really appreciate when someone takes the time to share with me.

Angela said...

I'm here to say that I've seen 37, and it's really not so bad. So far, at least. (Although today I found myself coloring my hair--the same hair that I swore I was going to allow to finally go gray. Unfortunately, my swears tend to weaken with time.)

tubelessstl said...

I vouch for the late 30's not being so bad! Heck, just a few days after you hit that thirty ssaaa saaaa seven age, I hit the thiry eeee eee eee eight age. Ugh. I won't let it get me down though. You know I had a co-worker dare say to me "Why did you want to be a mom so late in life? WHAT You listen here lady co-worker of mine (I don't claim her though) late in life? 38 is not late in life, heck, I am a spring chick!

Shannon River said...

40 is the new 30! Seriously. :-) So try not to fret yet, my pet. (ha ha.)

Karaoke Diva said...

If it makes you feel any better, Kevin will be 40 in May.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to be 30 in 6 months, too. I wouldn't go back to 21 for love nor money (dated expression? oh well), as my early 20s were like the freshman years of adulthood - gawking awkwardly on the sidelines while everyone else carried on effortlessly. I have nothing but admiration for your honest writing, as I typically read your blogs and think "Damn! Funny, smart, cute, with 3 gorgeous babes and a lovely husband, and she owns her own home, and always has the right comeback, AND deals with pain, illness, and tragedy with humour and savoir faire, whereas I would be wailing and feeling sorry for myself." I hope you grow to love 37.

Ashley said...

yikes...I'll be 41 in 2 weeks! Turning 40 wasn't so bad, I hated being 39. I thought it was an "ugly" number! I had children in my 20's. Now, in my early forties (sounds much better then mid-forties!), and I am waiting for my daughter from China. I can't help but be excited about that!
Your are a very talented writer, and a great mom. I really enjoy your blog (I loved your China travel blog). You are brave and funny and clever! Hope you are feeling better. I know what you are going through - I had the same surgery a few years ago. Who needs ovaries anyway? Seriously, I hope you are lifting and carrying your 2beautiful babies soon!

Brandi said...

You're not turning thirty're turning twenty-seventeen. :)

Krissy said...

December 7th is my birthday. I hit 34 and entered into my mid-30's, something I was trying not to do myself. Early 30's sounded much better, but in 2 days I've adjusted. Aren't we supposed to just get better with age?

A said...

Love your blog, mutha, and your show. I only know you through those things and only fairly recently, but I still think I'm safe in saying you can embrace it and you'll be the better for it. I'm certain you'll age gracefully! And 37 is certainly not old. Of course, I'm one to talk, as I'm only 26...

Julie said...

This was well written- I like how you tie it all together. :)