I was thinking about the previous post I had written and wondered what drove me to those insecure and freaked out spiraling out of control thoughts.
It all came down to the frustration that I can't have it all.
It made me wonder if others had the same thoughts.
Of course they do.
The women of my generation and the generations that came next were raised to believe they could have it all. We were raised by women who became mothers in an age where women were finally having it all. Women had choices. They didn't have to be stay at home housewives. They could be mothers and get out there rule the world.
What these women didn't tell us was that you really can't have it all.
Something always has to give.
The working career mother sits in her office and misses what's happening at home.
The stay at home mother sits in her living room and wonders what she's missing at the office.
The two income family wonders what to do when their childcare provider is sick.
The one income family wonders if they will ever afford a vacation.
The 19 year old mother holds her baby and wonders what she's missing out on.
The 36 year first time mother knows and sometimes she misses it.
One mother looks at her only child and imagines a life with more kids. If only she could have them.
Another mother looks at her household filled with kids and wishes for a break.
One mother gets stretched too thin while the other wishes she had more challenges.
We all do it. We all sit and wonder. We all dream. We all worry. We all face challenges.
That is motherhood. And no one tells you that going into it. No one warns you that even if you desperately wanted that child, there will be times you wish you could get in your car and speed away from them. That even if you choose to stay home, you will often question that choice. Or if you go back to work, you will think about what you might be missing out on at home.
No one tells you that you cannot have it all. Something will always have to give.
Be it time with the kids, time alone, money, the career, sleep, sanity.
Not one mother has it all.
Having it all is completely impossible.
More mothers need to talk about this. More mothers need to speak up and say that yes, the job is demanding. It's demanding and wonderful and amazing and awful and horrible, all at the same time. Mothers will always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. It's part of being a woman. We're the ones who always ask the questions. We are always inside our heads, thinking, wondering, questioning.
And it's ok.
It's ok that we do that and it's ok that we look at our lives from time to time and sigh and wish we had it differently. And it's ok to make plans and dream. And it's ok to put those plans into action and make them real. And it's also ok to look at what we've done and wonder if we made the right choice. Do we continue to make the right choices?
There are good days and there are nightmarish days. The same hormones that help us bond with our children can turn on us and make us bitchy and irritable and make us seriously dislike our family for an evening.
Motherhood. Some days are awful with this job. The good news is there are more good days than bad days.
Motherhood. You cannot have it all with motherhood.
And if more women knew that going in, it would make their experience so much easier to handle.