I've always said this blog is a peek into my life, warts and all.
I never meant that to be literal!
But alas, my friends, it's true. You know you've reached an all time low when you start blogging about your warts.
I have a wart on the bottom of my foot, ok? I know that's not a sexy thing to have. I know it's disgusting. Believe me, I've been frantically applying Wart B Gone products on this sucker for months now to no avail. Oh no- the wrinkle free skin of our youth can't wait to abandon us but a wart on the skin wants to linger around forever.
Today I saw a dermatologist for the very first time. He was a kindly older man in a nearby practice. A family atmosphere with not a single vial of Botox in sight.
What he did have was a giant cryogenics container. He opened it, explaining he would have to freeze the wart away. When he opened the container, I peeked over to look, just in case there might be a head inside. He dipped in a huge Q-tip looking applicator, then applied it to my foot while saying, "This might hurt a bit."
"Nahhhh," I brushed him off, "I've given birth. I can handle a little paaaaaaaaaaaaaaain! OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN THIS HURTS!!!!!!!"
He smiled his kindly older man smile. "Sorry, I have to wait a moment, then re-apply. It will hurt more this time."
I clutched my foot and whimpered, "Ok. But how long is this going to huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!!!!!!!"
He removed the Q-Tip of Death from my foot and asked if I wanted any Advil. I whispered, "No. No. I'm good. Just let me sit here a moment and cry."
No one tells you that getting a wart frozen off your body hurts like hell because- when would you work that kind of info into a conversation? No one wants to talk about this stuff because it's embarrassing. Ahh but leave it your internet pal, who at this point, has no shame. It went away the first time I typed my first blog entry.
If you ever have to have a wart frozen off, take Advil before your appointment. Have some handy in the car for the ride home. Ladies, forgo the high heels. Comfy socks and comfy shoes and know it will burn for at least a half hour more.
I'll give you a Wart Watch 2007 update in the coming days. I know you're oh so excited.