Ow

It's been four days since surgery and can I just say, "Ow?" I'd rather say some other choice words, but you get the drift. OW sums it up nicely.

I'm not into painkillers at home. I don't like that fuzzy headed feeling. Being high in the hospital is one thing. High at home with three kids and an exhausted (and sick with a sinus infection) husband? I can't lay on the couch all stoned and singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow but have it end up being Rainbow Connection, and ask anyone who will listen if if they think I could get Kermit the Frog to sing on my show. Not that I'm saying that actually happened or anything...

It's Advil for me. Advil is not cutting it. I hurt. Oh gawwwwwd I hurt.

I do what I always do when I hurt. I laugh at my pain. Example: I think this hurts so badly because I have a fat n floppy lower belly. And when I stand up, the fat propels my belly forward and tugs painfully at the staples. Then there's the black and blue mark to the far right of the staples causing much pain. Oh, maybe right about where the ovary once resided, just thought of that. I think I was told in my drug haze that the cyst had seeped through the ovary and adhered to belly fat. Dr Mac had to scrape out extra belly fat to remove the ovary. Sounds like a nice bonus, but the right side of my belly is smaller than the left. I have poofy fatty belly on the left, a weepy incision held together by bright silver staples in the center, then a much smaller pouch of fatty belly on the right.

You want me, don't you.

There's nothing to do but watch Bridal Television. If you could hear me say that sentence, it would be said with one eyebrow raised, then a two eye roll.

I got married in 1998. Bridal Television consisted of A Wedding Story. Crews followed a couple the days leading up to their wedding. Did you know Matt and I were considered for that show? Oh yeah. Banyan Productions produced the show at the time and chose us as finalists. We appealed to them because it was a destination wedding at a ski resort. Oh and duh- because Matt and I are just way too adorable. Obviously not adorable enough. Banyan went with a wedding in that area, only the chosen wedding was held outdoors, down by the river. Not in a van or anything. Just down by the river with the sun sparkling off the bride's tiara and the mountains providing the perfect backdrop.

Actually it's funny because Banyan Productions produces all kinds of TV for ladies and you know what kind of show I do on the other blog, riiiiiiight. Oh Banyan. You didn't choose me last time. Choose me this time? We could make beautiful mommy tv together. You don't know I exist, but call me??

The lovers, the dreamers and meeeeeeeeee!!!

So Bridal Television. The days of A Wedding Story are looong over, my friends. Now Bridal Television is allll about, "How much can we spend on this wedding?" Middle class families spending 50, 70, 100 grand plus on a wedding? Are THEY high? I'm wondering if any old skoolers out there are reading this who didn't even come close to spending that amount on their wedding. Like me. And I had a resort destination wedding. But those were the days before these wedding shows influenced millions of young brides and helped catapult the wedding industry into a multi billion dollar one. Aaaand helped jack up the price of the "average" wedding.

It's the most important day of your life and you only do it once (mmm hmmm good luck with that) and you have to do it right. Sure, if you have that kind of budget. But I see these average families who literally go deeply into debt for a wedding. I think of what that average middle American couple could do with 70 grand. And it's all gone in one day. But that's what it costs! And it's my special day! Soooo, I guess it's not a wedding if you don't pay 10 grand for the centerpieces? Me? I'd rather get clever with the budget and save the rest for a massive down payment on a home. Then again I'm ten years into a marriage with three kids and in my late 30s. Consider the source.

We could not go into debt for our wedding and neither could our parents. Period. And I still got a beautiful wedding, reception, and an after party in Aspen freakin Colorado. It's amazing what one can pull off with a bit of creativity and whoooole lotta charm.

Hey, for those who do go insane with the wedding spending, and really can't afford to, and then televise the madness? Thank you! I'm in pain, I'm bored, the kids are screaming, I can't help Matt, and I need to feel sorry for someone other than myself. And just like that, I went from OW to Me-OW!

Seriously, 8 grand for a VEIL??? When the parents had to get a second mortgage on their home for that veil?? Am I the only one befuddled by this?